So you meet me on the subway, I tell you I’m writing a food blog called restaurant tips from a serial dater and I tell you I’m an actress and you still agree to go out with me? Idiot.
Rule number one of sketchy online dating, Always have a back-up date. I might not be prepared for real life but as far as my dating life goes I’m always ready with back-ups. You can’t be too careful in this busy world what with the internet & all. You never know when someone might cancel on you, which is why I almost always try to have 2 dates good to go for the same evening. Tip: It doesn’t hurt too have a 3rd person you might call on for last minute cancellations.
Cry me a river it didn’t work out with mystery man # 57
Good thing this gals got a string of unsuspecting men lined up.
This just in from the brilliant minds & deepest darkest depths of Reddit (where one only discusses the moral implications of throwing dog food on men for pleasure & dominatrix jobs) I give you the plan of the century, “I’d totally leave her with the bill! #genius.” I must say, just when I doubted your creditability & intelligence the minds perpetrating the endless jargon on Reddit came up with this winning plan. Good job guys! You keep on doing that thing you do where you go on a really long nerdy tangent and draw really exciting insightful conclusions, like “Yes I think we can all agree now Toronto would be considered a small city”. Now back to something a tad more gripping my life…
So now that I’m internet famous, do you think I can swindle some better looking richer guys to take me out? I hope so because ugh dating is a lot of work and sometimes this happens….that moment when you find out your date wants to talk & get to know you before they consent to dinner. BUSTING MY BALLS. Sorry bro ain’t gonna fly with this biddy. Oh yea & that thing you do where you keep “checking in” with me to make sure I’m having a good time…yah, stop that.
Wait…stop…I’m confused. Am I drowning innocent puppies or am I going on first dates with guys having them pay for my dinners and never calling them again? How about we leave our morals at the door and move onto something a little more interesting and I don’t mean the conversation with my date and I don’t mean this thread…
In a world where we can only “presume” my friends and family would be saddened by my death-I am after all a soulless women deserving a swift kick to the cunt. My better judgement tells me to eat on, wishing myself only the best appetizers!
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