A Penniless girl, bad dates & plenty of oysters

I've got a pretty face & a pretty extensive urban spoon
wish list...
We all know that getting what you want in life can be tough. Which is why I've decided to let someone else finance my dreams. My dream? To eat in pretty restaurants without costing me a penny. You had me at Elk Tartare, lost me at chin strap. Follow me to learn who I screw over, bang and love as I navigate Toronto’s diners, drive-ins & dives.

Believe me sweetie I got enough to feed the needy

Exploiting men for meals is tough. I have to put up with a lot of bad conversation and to be honest for awhile there I didn’t think I was up for the challenge. Yes, I had some good food but was it really worth my time? Keeping up with all the silly text messages, feigning interest in things I don’t care about and trying to figure out who the fuck is who. My friend had a few questions for me..
Friend: hah ok so do you EVER like the guys on these dates? would you ever do a round two?
Me: hahah…i actually haven’t liked a single one
Friend: have any of them been good looking?
Me: fuck no, pretty ugly actually mostly 2 & 3’s bro
Friend: well that’s too bad I guess
Me: not really, 2 &3’s will pay for anything..but yeah the dates are weird because there is a sense that the guy knows there is no chance with me so its just bizarre
Friend: do you ever get nervous for the dates?
Me: I usually get a bit nervous before…and i almost always want to not go through with it, like pretty much every time, I usually need to put forth ALOT of energy to make it not awkward. 
So the conclusion is…was it worth my time? Yes. I miss the tartare and all the glamor. I’ve had it with eating chickpea’s from cans in my apartment and stealing sushi from Loblaws. I’ve got to get back on this free meal bandwagon. Life is just to innutritious without all this dating. And yes sometimes in life things don’t come easy, sometimes you need to sacrifice a little good conversation to achieve a much greater goal of lets say… Toronto’s finest Oysters? 
The next step? Coming to terms with the fact my Jdate account has been suspended. Cry me a river my days of dating jewish boys are done OKCUPID hook me up. I’m sure with this face it’ll be hard…
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Meet Metildaasaurus aka Metilda (yes I’ve learned and am now using a fake name) Here is brief glimpse of my new HOT profile on OKCUPID 
"My self-Summary: I am an organization fanatic. Don’t go a day without my day planner. Always on the go! I love my job, I’m always working away! Being a full-time cop isn’t easy. Ball busting 101 is my class of choice. Don’t let the pretty face fool you. I also love Poerty. What am I doing with my life? Eat. Sleep. Be a cop."
Next stop? Please someone ask me out for dinner or fuck it I’ll ask you. But you have to pay though because I’m a lady.
  1. restauranttipsfromaserialdater posted this